I recently heard Jerry Seinfeld say something on a podcast with Tim Ferriss, and I have been thinking about it a lot ever since. I started putting it into practice recently, and I feel like it has changed my life for the better. So, here I am sharing it with more people.
“I feel like if you break the human struggle down to one word, it’s confront. And so, I kind of approach everything that way.”
At first, the word confront sounds aggressive. It makes me think of arguments, raised voices and uncomfortable conversations. But confrontation does not always mean conflict. Sometimes it simply means looking directly at the thing you would rather avoid.
The difficult conversation. The email sitting unanswered. The decision you keep postponing. The feeling you are trying to distract yourself from. The truth you already know but have not admitted to yourself.
Avoiding these things can feel easier in the moment. You tell yourself you need more time. You wait for the right moment, a clearer sign or a version of the conversation that will not be uncomfortable. Usually, none of those things arrive.
Instead, the problem remains somewhere in the background, quietly taking up space. What may have required ten minutes of discomfort begins occupying hours of thought. The conversation you have not had becomes several imaginary conversations in your head. The decision you have not made follows you into everything else.
That is what I find interesting about Seinfeld’s use of the word. To confront something is not necessarily to defeat it. It is to stop pretending it is not there.
There are things confrontation can solve and things it cannot. A conversation may not give you the response you want. A decision may still be painful. Being honest about how you feel does not guarantee that someone else will understand.
But confrontation replaces uncertainty with information.
You find out where you stand. You see the problem at its actual size rather than the size it has grown to in your imagination. Even an answer you do not like can be easier to live with than endlessly wondering.
I have also realised that confrontation is not only something we do with other people. The harder version is often confronting ourselves.
Why am I really avoiding this? What am I hoping will change without me doing anything? Am I being patient, or am I afraid? Do I want this because it is right for me, or because I want to be chosen? Is this still making me happy, or am I holding on because letting go would hurt?
Those questions are uncomfortable because they leave little room to hide. They also tend to move things forward.
There is, of course, a difference between confronting everything and reacting to everything. Not every irritation requires a discussion. Not every thought needs to be expressed. Sometimes the mature response is to let something go.
The important distinction is whether you are letting it go or merely pushing it down.
One brings peace. The other festers.
Perhaps that is the real value of confrontation. It keeps small truths from becoming large problems. It asks us to tolerate a little discomfort now instead of carrying a much heavier version of it later.
Confront the work. Confront the conversation. Confront the fear. Confront the answer you may not want.
Not with aggression. Not without thought. Just with honesty.
Look at what is there, call it what it is, and take the next step.
